It’s never going to be me in the end
It started out with innocent banter and flirting, I didn’t think much about it. We started seeing each other more and spending more time in private, I still remember the first time you hold my hand — it was freezing cold in the supermarket, you reached across for my hand and I was lost for words for a second. My head keep telling me “we aren’t supposed to do that, it was casual” my heart was fluttering but I still shrugged off your hand gently because I was afraid that I’d get used to the feeling of your warmth radiating to my cold heart and hand.
It’s still vivid in my memories when you asked me ‘why did you let go of my hand, did you not like to hold me?’ —if you only knew how much I like it and that it pains me to let it go because I need to protect my own heart.
A hug is more than just a hug when it’s with you. The moment when you wrapped your arms around to embrace me instantly you made me feel like home. The sense of calmness that washes over me, the subtle whiff of your fresh scent — I just want to stay in this moment forever but I didn’t dare to embrace you back either. This is the exact moment I truly comprehend the meaning of so close yet so far away.
I am always having this fight in my head because I know you aren’t going to be mine, you’d always be someone’s else. The truth is that I am confused by all these actions while trying to keep myself afloat, I am willing to let my guards down for you but it’s hurting me.
Why confused me when you know it’s never going to be me at the end?
